4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
