this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
