Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
