Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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