I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
