Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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