Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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