Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize