No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
