and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
