I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
