coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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