It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
