she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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