I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
