More tranny stories later!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
