you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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