I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize