i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
