I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
