Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
