I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I AM VODKA MAN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
