i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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