This is not my ceiling
She said her name was "party"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
