i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
