I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
