Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
