I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I only lived at night.
please come you make the beer taste better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
