either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
