Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
