who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
