I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize