Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
