Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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