I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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