She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
