She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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