hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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