cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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