If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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