Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
