I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
