70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she told me i tasted like america
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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