singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were destined to go to rehab together
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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