I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
