he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
