You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
