Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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