im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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