so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
