Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
