evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
