Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize