I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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