i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
