he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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