Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
