I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I checked into jail on foursquare
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
