He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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