i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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