dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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