you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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