i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
