Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
