i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize