I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
