Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
